Long after the dance had ended we find ourselves here...
Standing at this crossroad,
Me on One side and You on the Other.
All that stands between is what you wont let go of.
The Lies, the hurt, the love, the emotions.
I have offered you my hand to hold so we can Walk this together.
But you refuse to let go of your baggage.
I am begging you to please take my hand.
Let me be the One thing in your life that is Good.
Be my future, Be my happiness, & Be by my side.
I want you as my equal & be my other half.
But you do not seem to see me nor hear me.
I am crying out for you! PLEASE!
In my desperation make me whole!
I will never leave your shadow because I know that together we will be Great.
This is the last time I offer you my hand...
After this I shall turn away from you and Leave.
Never again will you gaze up on my smiling face as I see you.
Never again will you feel the warmth of my embrace.
And never again will you taste the Love, that I have for you, upon my lips.
Do Not Regret Me!
I love you always...but my heart is not yours anymore!
10/22/2009
8/30/2009
The Darkness around Me
I stood in the rain so I could hide my tears.
I walked the road barefooted and soaked to try and find solis in my rage.
All I could find was darkness around me.
I dropped my head in anguish just wishing for another chance.
Another chance to see him. Even if it meant watching him leave again.
"Oh God grant me one Prayer", as I yelled it into the never ending darkness of that Stormy Night.
It seemed as if in that moment my hopelissness overwhelmed me.
I dropped to my knees in the middle of the road. My sobs were now pain filled cries to the darkness.
What little bit of Love and Hope I held in my heart for being Happy was now full of black anger, hate, resentment, and unforgiveness.
And all of a sudden a very calm serene feeling came across me. Sort of an embrace. Thinking God had answered my prayers. I stood up to Capture my love in my arms.
I was confronted by this being of such Supreme Supernatural Holiness that I could not even look upon its face. Sheilding my eyes with my hands I felt as if I was being pulled towards this Great Being.
In my head I could hear my name being called by a Very Strong Demanding voice, "Anna come to me", I was hesitant to move. "Anna come to me!", finally I had such a spiritual attraction to this voice that I could not stand still any longer.
I released my self to this Being. As quickly as I let go I could feel the embrace become tighter. There was a feeling of security, of Love, and of Trust. It was as if I knew where I was and felt quickly at peace. Just as I did when I was a baby being held in the warm secure arms of my mother.
A sort of deep sleep fell upon me.
Then the voice came back just as strong as before. The voice reminded me of my fathers, strong, and yet very gentle.
"My child why do you seek me in the darkness? Have I not been there for you in the light of day?"
I felt as if there was no response needed. As if he already knew my answer.
"I have been watching you since your first heartbeat, since your first tear, since your first step, and since you first came to know of me. You have always known in your heart who I was. And you have always sought me out when times were good. Why now do you search for me in the Darkness?"
"I have given you light so that you may find me. I have given you all the tools you need to find me and know where I am. I live in you, I am a part of You, I am your father, your maker, your beginning and your end. I am the Creator. If you are thirsty then I will let you drink from the River of Life. But you must come to me, as I am and always will be standing with arms wide opened."
In that moment I felt the slow rain drizzling on my face. I opened my eyes to see the storm clouds were rolling away. And with those clouds my anger, hate, resentment, and unforgiveness went with them. I seemed to of found myself in the most unlikely place and circumstance.
I walked the road barefooted and soaked to try and find solis in my rage.
All I could find was darkness around me.
I dropped my head in anguish just wishing for another chance.
Another chance to see him. Even if it meant watching him leave again.
"Oh God grant me one Prayer", as I yelled it into the never ending darkness of that Stormy Night.
It seemed as if in that moment my hopelissness overwhelmed me.
I dropped to my knees in the middle of the road. My sobs were now pain filled cries to the darkness.
What little bit of Love and Hope I held in my heart for being Happy was now full of black anger, hate, resentment, and unforgiveness.
And all of a sudden a very calm serene feeling came across me. Sort of an embrace. Thinking God had answered my prayers. I stood up to Capture my love in my arms.
I was confronted by this being of such Supreme Supernatural Holiness that I could not even look upon its face. Sheilding my eyes with my hands I felt as if I was being pulled towards this Great Being.
In my head I could hear my name being called by a Very Strong Demanding voice, "Anna come to me", I was hesitant to move. "Anna come to me!", finally I had such a spiritual attraction to this voice that I could not stand still any longer.
I released my self to this Being. As quickly as I let go I could feel the embrace become tighter. There was a feeling of security, of Love, and of Trust. It was as if I knew where I was and felt quickly at peace. Just as I did when I was a baby being held in the warm secure arms of my mother.
A sort of deep sleep fell upon me.
Then the voice came back just as strong as before. The voice reminded me of my fathers, strong, and yet very gentle.
"My child why do you seek me in the darkness? Have I not been there for you in the light of day?"
I felt as if there was no response needed. As if he already knew my answer.
"I have been watching you since your first heartbeat, since your first tear, since your first step, and since you first came to know of me. You have always known in your heart who I was. And you have always sought me out when times were good. Why now do you search for me in the Darkness?"
"I have given you light so that you may find me. I have given you all the tools you need to find me and know where I am. I live in you, I am a part of You, I am your father, your maker, your beginning and your end. I am the Creator. If you are thirsty then I will let you drink from the River of Life. But you must come to me, as I am and always will be standing with arms wide opened."
In that moment I felt the slow rain drizzling on my face. I opened my eyes to see the storm clouds were rolling away. And with those clouds my anger, hate, resentment, and unforgiveness went with them. I seemed to of found myself in the most unlikely place and circumstance.
My Innocences
Someone once asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up. As a child my answer was probably something that was unrealistic. But isn't that how dreams start? In the innocence of our childhood we could accomplish anything as long as we were home by the time the street lamps came on. When I was about 8 or 9, I remember putting on my dress up clothes and just twirling around in my backyard singing and just being in a wonderful dream land where there was what seemed like a never ending field of flowers and green grass. I could feel the breeze, smell the flowers, and just run for miles and still be alone. I loved every minute of it. I never just sang any song that I knew by heart it was always some song that I just made up, it was a song that was just imbedded in my heart. In all the chaos of being a young overly active child I found such solitude and peace when I was in my backyard wearing and old tattered dress singing at the top of my lungs, about Love and Romance. But at that age we see Love and Romance in the physical form of Prince Charming. As a little girl I always found that being the Damsel in Distress was the most romantic. I had a perception on my life that I was going to be that Princess in need of rescuing. Oh how wonderful that would have been.
But along the way you have to grow up. You find yourself struggling with that once so vivid fantasy world and the world you live in. Somewhere along that path I lost my fantasy. I lost the most precious thing in my life and that was my innocence. My childhood, My fantasy world, My Love and My Romance. It seemed like I was stranded without my Happily Ever After.
Now that I am grown and I look back at my childhood, I find it hard to just relish in the happiness because it ended too soon. How does a child go from dressing up and singing about Love to dealing with Sex and Lust. I can tell you exactly when I lost my innocence. I was thrown into the world with disillusions and heartache at the age of 11. I found myself looking for my Prince Charming in a bed. I found myself looking for that Love and Romance, I so desperately longed for, in MEN. As a grown woman I have shared my bed with men that were Toads and Trolls. Just to find that Love that was stripped from me.
Never take for granted the innocence of a child, Never stop a child from dreaming. In the minds of children lies untouched worlds and freedom to be whatever they want. What I would give to go back, even for a second, and reconnect with that world where nothing can harm you, where you are surrounded by love, joy and peace.
The passion of a child could change the hearts of millions, or at least the heart of a tired dreamer.
But along the way you have to grow up. You find yourself struggling with that once so vivid fantasy world and the world you live in. Somewhere along that path I lost my fantasy. I lost the most precious thing in my life and that was my innocence. My childhood, My fantasy world, My Love and My Romance. It seemed like I was stranded without my Happily Ever After.
Now that I am grown and I look back at my childhood, I find it hard to just relish in the happiness because it ended too soon. How does a child go from dressing up and singing about Love to dealing with Sex and Lust. I can tell you exactly when I lost my innocence. I was thrown into the world with disillusions and heartache at the age of 11. I found myself looking for my Prince Charming in a bed. I found myself looking for that Love and Romance, I so desperately longed for, in MEN. As a grown woman I have shared my bed with men that were Toads and Trolls. Just to find that Love that was stripped from me.
Never take for granted the innocence of a child, Never stop a child from dreaming. In the minds of children lies untouched worlds and freedom to be whatever they want. What I would give to go back, even for a second, and reconnect with that world where nothing can harm you, where you are surrounded by love, joy and peace.
The passion of a child could change the hearts of millions, or at least the heart of a tired dreamer.
Self Portrait
I see a woman who is Strong.
I see a woman who wears her weathered life on her face.
I see a woman who knows no Love, Forgiveness,or Peace.
She looks lost and yet confident in where she stands.
A smirk across her face makes her seem Sure of herself.
But Her eyes wander in confusion...
My heart aches for this Girl. There is so much that is being said but there are no answers for her questions.
How do you help someone that is Untouchable?
Just as the Girl in the photo is behind glass, I too stand here in my own glass casing!
You can see me. But can you feel me? Can you hear me?
As much as I want to shatter the glass that contains her,
I hesitate.
I cannot release her from her Own Prison!
So I gently place the Photo of myself back upon the Mantle and walk away!
I see a woman who wears her weathered life on her face.
I see a woman who knows no Love, Forgiveness,or Peace.
She looks lost and yet confident in where she stands.
A smirk across her face makes her seem Sure of herself.
But Her eyes wander in confusion...
My heart aches for this Girl. There is so much that is being said but there are no answers for her questions.
How do you help someone that is Untouchable?
Just as the Girl in the photo is behind glass, I too stand here in my own glass casing!
You can see me. But can you feel me? Can you hear me?
As much as I want to shatter the glass that contains her,
I hesitate.
I cannot release her from her Own Prison!
So I gently place the Photo of myself back upon the Mantle and walk away!
Tears of the Heartless
The Stone Cold Exterior on this Womanly Figure seems completely inpenitrable.
The Smile on her face is accompanied by a Frostly Glare.
She wears a sign Emotionally that says, "Enter at Your Own Risk."
Needless to say that not many have taken that road.
Between the wall climbing and hurdle jumping she never made it Easy for any Man to get close. But under that Cold Exterior lies a Beating Heart.
A little heart that tries to shine through but is snuffed out long before it gets a chance to be seen or heard.
The key to this Heart has been lost for a Long Time.
There is no Skeleton Key just Skeletons that Haunt her.
Inside this prison she sits with Only her Guilt for Company.
Could it be that with the walls she has created she is trapped inside her own prison?
Could it be that She has just gotten lost inside her ownself?
Lost to her hurt?
Lost in the Pain?
And Now she is too afraid to Stand Alone and Save Herself....
So she will drown slowly in Her Tears....
The Smile on her face is accompanied by a Frostly Glare.
She wears a sign Emotionally that says, "Enter at Your Own Risk."
Needless to say that not many have taken that road.
Between the wall climbing and hurdle jumping she never made it Easy for any Man to get close. But under that Cold Exterior lies a Beating Heart.
A little heart that tries to shine through but is snuffed out long before it gets a chance to be seen or heard.
The key to this Heart has been lost for a Long Time.
There is no Skeleton Key just Skeletons that Haunt her.
Inside this prison she sits with Only her Guilt for Company.
Could it be that with the walls she has created she is trapped inside her own prison?
Could it be that She has just gotten lost inside her ownself?
Lost to her hurt?
Lost in the Pain?
And Now she is too afraid to Stand Alone and Save Herself....
So she will drown slowly in Her Tears....
Me & My Ghost
This is the last tear that I will cry because of you.
My pain will now be my motivation to hate you more.
You have left me with something I can never get rid of.
The Ghost of You haunts me more then my own mistakes in the dark.
You follow me like a rain cloud, when I find a little happiness you pour down sadness.
Im living with a Good bye that I never got.
A door that will never be closed, A hole in my Heart that will never be filled.
I hope you can see just how much pain you have caused me by your death.
I just wish I could kiss you once more.
I just want to see your face, just one glance.
I want to smell your skin one last time.
I just want to feel you touch just for a second.
Why have you done this? Why did you chose Him? Why did you pick Me?
Why have I been left so broken that I cannot fix myself nor can anyone else.
Why cant I find my Happiness that once could be seen for miles.
WHY DO I CARRY THIS ALONE???
My pain will now be my motivation to hate you more.
You have left me with something I can never get rid of.
The Ghost of You haunts me more then my own mistakes in the dark.
You follow me like a rain cloud, when I find a little happiness you pour down sadness.
Im living with a Good bye that I never got.
A door that will never be closed, A hole in my Heart that will never be filled.
I hope you can see just how much pain you have caused me by your death.
I just wish I could kiss you once more.
I just want to see your face, just one glance.
I want to smell your skin one last time.
I just want to feel you touch just for a second.
Why have you done this? Why did you chose Him? Why did you pick Me?
Why have I been left so broken that I cannot fix myself nor can anyone else.
Why cant I find my Happiness that once could be seen for miles.
WHY DO I CARRY THIS ALONE???
Tears of a Regretful Mother
Sitting in my truck with a pen and folded paper. On this folded paper reads the very last things that I would ever say. "To My Children...I have tried to be the best mother that I could be. Your smiling faces and laughter will never be forgotten. Every kiss that I had given you in the night while you were asleep will be with me always. This is not your fault. And I love you.To My Parents...I am sorry that I have never been the perfect daughter that you expected but I am not sorry that I was who I am. You two have been my Rock. Daddy, I love you and I forgive you. Mom, I love you and You have been the best Mother that I could never of been. And to Carlos...I am sorry I was so selfish with my own life to never be there for yours. I LOVE YOU ALL DEARLY!"I get out of my truck and start walking. Standing here I can see the miles of endless ocean. I can feel every rain drop land on my face and roll down my cheeks hiding my tears. I stand here with my heart bearing a heavy burden. My mind is weighted down by my endless regrets of my life. As I am standing on the edge of this cliff, 3 things become certain for me. First there is no turning back, Secondly I am sorry, and Thirdly I love you. I step closer to the ledge to look down. As I lean over I can feel the mist of the angry waves slashing against the jagged rocks below. A gust of wind slams into me and I almost lose my balance. I drop to my knees. "I am sorry, I know this isnt how its suppose to be. The Pain and Regret have over taken my heart! My heart struggles to beat under all of this. I shouted with my hands clinched into fists. "Theres nothing ever wrong but nothings ever right...Its such a Cruel Contridiction." I can feel it starting to rain harder and I can hear the sea lashing out against the rocks even harder. Each breath becomes harder to take as my frustrations overtake me. Finally I come to my feet and start walking back to my truck. I can barely see the headlights due to the thick midnight Fog. Stopping in front of my truck I turn and just stand there blankly looking into the night.
I START TO RUN...I AM RUNNING SO FAST THAT I FEEL AS IF MY FEET HAD WINGS...I LEAP OFF THE CLIFF WITH MY ARMS OUT STRETCHED...THE FEELING OF FALLING WAS SUPREMELY SATISFYING...THE FREEDOM I FELT IN THOSE LAST SECONDS WAS MORE THEN I HAD EVER FELT IN MY LIFE....... These are the tears of my life. I hope that you know each one was for a hurt that I have felt.
I START TO RUN...I AM RUNNING SO FAST THAT I FEEL AS IF MY FEET HAD WINGS...I LEAP OFF THE CLIFF WITH MY ARMS OUT STRETCHED...THE FEELING OF FALLING WAS SUPREMELY SATISFYING...THE FREEDOM I FELT IN THOSE LAST SECONDS WAS MORE THEN I HAD EVER FELT IN MY LIFE....... These are the tears of my life. I hope that you know each one was for a hurt that I have felt.
Finally...
Why dont I just rip my heart out and stomp on it for you?!The damage would be the same but the anger would be different.I stood there shaking with the phone in my hands. Trying to think of the nextthing to txt you. My Mind draws a blank. I am panting in dispair.Tears streaming down my cheeks. Smeared mascara. Smudged Lipstick.I throw my phone and start running. The sting of the rain splashing against my face as I run faster. My fear is quick at my feet. My hurt is near to my heel. My anger wraps around my ankles. I can feel the tension. Gasping for air I run harder. I am going to beat this. I will not lose anymore. My heart pounding in my chest. I can heart it in my ears.In a single release I trip and fall. I roll and skid against the concrete. Scraping my knees and hands. I lay there in complete pain. This is what it feels like to break free. Physical Pain and Physical Damage. All that is left are bruises and flesh wounds. My heart left intact and safe. No more will my heart withstand damage caused by others! I have WON!
My Sickness
For years I have been suffering from a Disease. It has been eating away at me. My insides have slowly turned black and infectious. Every day a little bit more of me is consumed by this disease! It has now manifested in a way that affects my physical self. It has settled in my brain. Just eating at my nerve endings. For the past 3 years there has not been a cure. Until Now. I have let you course through my veins long enough. The words from your mouth is like the venom of 10 cobras. You tap into the core of me and spread your venom. Causing me to hate myself and blame myself for this sickness. But it has been you this whole time! I have taken the Antidote and I am expecting complete healing. Soon this will be nothing more then a little scar tissue. Just like every other thing in my life. Scar Tissue! I am no longer your Host of puetred hate and disqusting self destruction.
He said Goodbye
Standing there looking up at him. He holds both of my arms in his firm grasp. He looks so deeply into my eyes. And I know what is coming. With his last kiss so fresh upon my lips I cannot imagine him saying the words. I cannot help but he distracted by the little mole on his cheek and the hair that sweeps over his eye when he looks down at me. My heart is pounding in my chest. Just being held by him causes such a panic inside of me. He makes me feel like a child who has no sense of time or importance. I am spinning in my head. I see his mouth moving and I see the seriousness with his expressive brows. But my ears only hear the sweet song of love that he sang to me on the lake shore that summer. Ah that summer we played like foolish children. We danced around in the fields with not a care in the world. With a forceful shake I am brought back to focus. As I am struggling to understand. A single tear rolls down his face. I go to wipe it and he turns his head away from me. What have I done? Where have I gone wrong? How can my touch that was once so wanted become something to despise. My eyes are looking around in confusion. Then he says it. The words that brought my heart to my throat. Its Over. Good Bye.In complete shock I stand there. How did I miss this? How could I of been so blind by my own desire that I couldnt even stop him from leaving. I drop my head in disbelief and heartache. I could still feel the warmth of his hands still on my arms. As quick as that warmth faded into nothing...he was gone.
Settled Love
I dreamed of you lastnight and it was Sadly Sweet.
For it was not you whom I was there to greet.
As I awaited your smiling face,
Twas your Brother that stood in your place.
Tall and Dark just the SameBut for this man I did not know his name.
He took me by the hand and said Hello,His grasp was firm as to not let go.
I grinned and greeted back.
He was as handsome as the day was long.
But he was not you and that was my sad song.
He said all the right things,And his charm was like 14th Century Kings.
In the midst of the laughter my heart grew sad,
Knowing that You are a Man I cannot have.
He lifted my face and whispered in my ear,
"I know you love him it's very clear, but Stay with me and I will love you my Dear."
He leaned in and placed a single kiss upon my lips,
I experienced a shock down into my deepest pits.
As we kissed it become all to familiar.
My heart longed for it to be you again.
But I accepted my fate and There with your Brother I have taken my Place.
For it was not you whom I was there to greet.
As I awaited your smiling face,
Twas your Brother that stood in your place.
Tall and Dark just the SameBut for this man I did not know his name.
He took me by the hand and said Hello,His grasp was firm as to not let go.
I grinned and greeted back.
He was as handsome as the day was long.
But he was not you and that was my sad song.
He said all the right things,And his charm was like 14th Century Kings.
In the midst of the laughter my heart grew sad,
Knowing that You are a Man I cannot have.
He lifted my face and whispered in my ear,
"I know you love him it's very clear, but Stay with me and I will love you my Dear."
He leaned in and placed a single kiss upon my lips,
I experienced a shock down into my deepest pits.
As we kissed it become all to familiar.
My heart longed for it to be you again.
But I accepted my fate and There with your Brother I have taken my Place.
5/24/2009
Fantasy of Mine
The double doors open and there you are.
Standing in front of me.
I can smell the sweetness of your skin.
I liked my lips and I swear I could taste your kiss.
As we brush past one another I take a deep breath.
Your touch makes me weak to my knees.
But in this weakness I find a sort of Sexual Rage.
I grabbed you by the shirt and pushed you against the wall.
With all my passion I lunge in and Kiss you.
Your respond back to my aggressive behavior by putting your
hand on the back on my head and grabbing a fist full of my hair causing
me to be submissive to you.
So I slowly start to loosen your tie and unbotton your shirt.
I run my fingers down your chest feeling the hair run between them.
I lightly kiss down your chin to your neck. Feeling your stubble rub across my
soft cheek.
You grab my face with your hands and softly rub your thumb over my lips.
In that moment I hear a suble voice saying, "Maam. Maam."
I turn my head and see somone trying for my attention.
In my haze I realize that it was a fantasy.
I look around for my Fantasy Man ... And there he stood.
Quietly by the door frame silently bound to a never ending bond around his finger.
So I politely walk by looking down at the floor. I bite my lip in frustration!
Standing in front of me.
I can smell the sweetness of your skin.
I liked my lips and I swear I could taste your kiss.
As we brush past one another I take a deep breath.
Your touch makes me weak to my knees.
But in this weakness I find a sort of Sexual Rage.
I grabbed you by the shirt and pushed you against the wall.
With all my passion I lunge in and Kiss you.
Your respond back to my aggressive behavior by putting your
hand on the back on my head and grabbing a fist full of my hair causing
me to be submissive to you.
So I slowly start to loosen your tie and unbotton your shirt.
I run my fingers down your chest feeling the hair run between them.
I lightly kiss down your chin to your neck. Feeling your stubble rub across my
soft cheek.
You grab my face with your hands and softly rub your thumb over my lips.
In that moment I hear a suble voice saying, "Maam. Maam."
I turn my head and see somone trying for my attention.
In my haze I realize that it was a fantasy.
I look around for my Fantasy Man ... And there he stood.
Quietly by the door frame silently bound to a never ending bond around his finger.
So I politely walk by looking down at the floor. I bite my lip in frustration!
5/21/2009
Only & Always Half of Me
I have given you my heart.
I have given you half of my heart.
To have, To hold, To keep safe & To make your own.
With my heart in your hands, I have gone my separate way.
Living only half of my life. Loving only half of the world.
Giving only half of myself. Only half of me is free.
This is the life I have chosen.
When we meet again I shall ask for my heart back.
If you were to give it back to me, I would still only be half a person.
But if you kept it close and if you have entwined my heart with your body & soul.
Then I shall be whole again.
To have a whole heart with love means nothing if you dont share it.
You my dearest are sharing one of the greatest gifts I could ever give to you.
I trust you with it. I trust you with me. I trust your love for me.
I have fallen and you have caught me.
I have given you half of my heart.
To have, To hold, To keep safe & To make your own.
With my heart in your hands, I have gone my separate way.
Living only half of my life. Loving only half of the world.
Giving only half of myself. Only half of me is free.
This is the life I have chosen.
When we meet again I shall ask for my heart back.
If you were to give it back to me, I would still only be half a person.
But if you kept it close and if you have entwined my heart with your body & soul.
Then I shall be whole again.
To have a whole heart with love means nothing if you dont share it.
You my dearest are sharing one of the greatest gifts I could ever give to you.
I trust you with it. I trust you with me. I trust your love for me.
I have fallen and you have caught me.
My Maniacal Mind
The Hate.
My Fear.
The Loneliness.
My Decisions.
The Resentment.
My Love.
The Loyalty.
My Betrayal.
The Truth.
My Lies.
I hate your touch.
My craving for love.
I hate you looking at me.
My want for attention.
I hate your voice.
My need for direction.
I hate your heart.
My longing for love.
The Good.
My Evil.
The Righteous.
My Wrong Doing.
The Only.
My Many.
The Alive.
My Death.
The Straight.
My Twisted.
Its the smoke after the Fire.
I am holding the gasoline.
Its the sickness I feel.
I am drinking the poison.
Its the walk back.
I am lost.
Its the simplicity of nothing.
I am the one with everything.
The chasing of an incomplete circle that leads back to an end that is not there.
The end of the story that puts you right back at the beginning.
Knowing that the knowlegdge you know holds no value in life.
Its up when you want to go down and left when you want to go right.
The searching of a treasure that has no more value then self realization.
Its the life that has been given to us that we just throw away.
The map with the directions on them that flies out the window.
The breeze through the trees that carries the fires farther.
Its the Self Destructive Nature of this Life. Its the Chaos all around us.
My Fear.
The Loneliness.
My Decisions.
The Resentment.
My Love.
The Loyalty.
My Betrayal.
The Truth.
My Lies.
I hate your touch.
My craving for love.
I hate you looking at me.
My want for attention.
I hate your voice.
My need for direction.
I hate your heart.
My longing for love.
The Good.
My Evil.
The Righteous.
My Wrong Doing.
The Only.
My Many.
The Alive.
My Death.
The Straight.
My Twisted.
Its the smoke after the Fire.
I am holding the gasoline.
Its the sickness I feel.
I am drinking the poison.
Its the walk back.
I am lost.
Its the simplicity of nothing.
I am the one with everything.
The chasing of an incomplete circle that leads back to an end that is not there.
The end of the story that puts you right back at the beginning.
Knowing that the knowlegdge you know holds no value in life.
Its up when you want to go down and left when you want to go right.
The searching of a treasure that has no more value then self realization.
Its the life that has been given to us that we just throw away.
The map with the directions on them that flies out the window.
The breeze through the trees that carries the fires farther.
Its the Self Destructive Nature of this Life. Its the Chaos all around us.
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