The Darkness around Me

I stood in the rain so I could hide my tears.
I walked the road barefooted and soaked to try and find solis in my rage.
All I could find was darkness around me.
I dropped my head in anguish just wishing for another chance.
Another chance to see him. Even if it meant watching him leave again.
"Oh God grant me one Prayer", as I yelled it into the never ending darkness of that Stormy Night.
It seemed as if in that moment my hopelissness overwhelmed me.
I dropped to my knees in the middle of the road. My sobs were now pain filled cries to the darkness.
What little bit of Love and Hope I held in my heart for being Happy was now full of black anger, hate, resentment, and unforgiveness.
And all of a sudden a very calm serene feeling came across me. Sort of an embrace. Thinking God had answered my prayers. I stood up to Capture my love in my arms.
I was confronted by this being of such Supreme Supernatural Holiness that I could not even look upon its face. Sheilding my eyes with my hands I felt as if I was being pulled towards this Great Being.
In my head I could hear my name being called by a Very Strong Demanding voice, "Anna come to me", I was hesitant to move. "Anna come to me!", finally I had such a spiritual attraction to this voice that I could not stand still any longer.
I released my self to this Being. As quickly as I let go I could feel the embrace become tighter. There was a feeling of security, of Love, and of Trust. It was as if I knew where I was and felt quickly at peace. Just as I did when I was a baby being held in the warm secure arms of my mother.
A sort of deep sleep fell upon me.
Then the voice came back just as strong as before. The voice reminded me of my fathers, strong, and yet very gentle.
"My child why do you seek me in the darkness? Have I not been there for you in the light of day?"
I felt as if there was no response needed. As if he already knew my answer.
"I have been watching you since your first heartbeat, since your first tear, since your first step, and since you first came to know of me. You have always known in your heart who I was. And you have always sought me out when times were good. Why now do you search for me in the Darkness?"
"I have given you light so that you may find me. I have given you all the tools you need to find me and know where I am. I live in you, I am a part of You, I am your father, your maker, your beginning and your end. I am the Creator. If you are thirsty then I will let you drink from the River of Life. But you must come to me, as I am and always will be standing with arms wide opened."
In that moment I felt the slow rain drizzling on my face. I opened my eyes to see the storm clouds were rolling away. And with those clouds my anger, hate, resentment, and unforgiveness went with them. I seemed to of found myself in the most unlikely place and circumstance.

Finally...

Why dont I just rip my heart out and stomp on it for you?!The damage would be the same but the anger would be different.I stood there shaking with the phone in my hands. Trying to think of the nextthing to txt you. My Mind draws a blank. I am panting in dispair.Tears streaming down my cheeks. Smeared mascara. Smudged Lipstick.I throw my phone and start running. The sting of the rain splashing against my face as I run faster. My fear is quick at my feet. My hurt is near to my heel. My anger wraps around my ankles. I can feel the tension. Gasping for air I run harder. I am going to beat this. I will not lose anymore. My heart pounding in my chest. I can heart it in my ears.In a single release I trip and fall. I roll and skid against the concrete. Scraping my knees and hands. I lay there in complete pain. This is what it feels like to break free. Physical Pain and Physical Damage. All that is left are bruises and flesh wounds. My heart left intact and safe. No more will my heart withstand damage caused by others! I have WON!