Here

He stood there chuckling as if he were amusing by attempting to put his finger in my nose.

Annoyied and irritated were starting to replace happy and carefree when we were together.

The stupid look on his face as I talked to him was the worse. He always thought it was cute.

I guess my misleading giggles were what encouraged him.

He reminded me of the washed up clown that had achieved nothing in life and was just clinging to his old routine.

Too bad Im not a 4 year old child drooling as I gazed in complete wonder at his Hysterical act..

Seems I am always waiting for that stupid rubber chicken to come out of his pocket when he reaches for his wallet.

I swear some day it will be there!!

Often while I lay next to him at night I cant help but feel like a mother to him.

I run my hand over his forehead and into his hair.

Just watching him sleep makes me realize that under all this silliness is a man.

A very lost man...I wonder different ways that I can help him find his way.

But I know that I am not the one for this!

His journey has to start with him. Helplessness falls upon me when I realize that.

Letting him go seems to be the best thing because I know that us together is not good.

I am struggling to find my own way in life. How can I take on both of us?

Maybe that is why I am angry...

Angry that I cannot help him while trying to help myself. Angry that my life isn't where I would like it to be.

I realized after my 26th birthday that I was living in Denial about my whole life.

Never really thought I was unhappy until recently. I guess its just something that I have to get use to.

The thought of disappearing settles my mind, althougth I know its impossible!

Just in a poof of smoke I would be gone...and leave people wondering! The greatest deception of all!

The glitter & glitz of the spotlight. Showing people only what they want to see. Being the tricky sneak!

So what makes my disappearing act any different then the washed up clown?

Seems like we are both rowing the same boat...just in differnt directions!!